Hungarian GP: Red Bull preview

COST CUTTING IS THE HOT TOPIC IN F1 AT THE MOMENT AND RED BULL BRINGS YOU THE TOP SECRET TEAM BOSSES' DISCUSSION DOCUMENT All team personnel to sleep in Japanese-style Capsule Hotel blocks parked in the GP2 paddock (locked at night.) Without ...

COST CUTTING IS THE HOT TOPIC IN F1 AT THE MOMENT AND RED BULL BRINGS YOU THE TOP SECRET TEAM BOSSES' DISCUSSION DOCUMENT

All team personnel to sleep in Japanese-style Capsule Hotel blocks parked in the GP2 paddock (locked at night.) Without access to towns, hotel bars etc, expenses should be drastically reduced and will also lead to a small but significant reduction in the use of headache pills.

Two drivers sharing one grid girl (on the grid, you filthy animals.)

Safety car replaced by one of those dummy hares you get at greyhound racing tracks.

Slightly shorter skirts for the grid girls, to save on fabric costs.

Photographers can only attend the first race of the season, where they will be given great access to cars and drivers. They can then photoshop different circuit backgrounds into all photos. Exceptions will be made if a driver changes his team or gender.

Team bosses to offer journalists flights to and from races on their private jets at budget airline prices.

Drivers who consistently crash to be given special, high-tech, rubber nosecones

Engines to be run on bio-diesel made from reclaimed cooking oil, thus saving the environment and giving teams an inducement to reintroduce the daily media fried breakfast.

Teams are only allowed one Press Release upgrade per season so that driver quotes are standardised. The use of the words "for sure" at the start of a driver quote is banned. Team bosses will face a three race ban if found in possession of the word "optimise."

Contract negotiations to be carried out by Tony Soprano and a bandsaw.

Spanish Grand Prix to be ended after first round of pit-stops, cutting costs and preventing the global TV audience dying of boredom.

All F1 drivers to be paid expenses only and then a bonus per finishing position. This will drastically reduce costs as well as making the race for eighth place the most exciting part of a Grand Prix.

-credit: red bull

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Series Formula 1