European GP: Red Bull Friday report

You might remember them from such epic broadcasts, such as the Canadian GP -- yes, it's the Formula One TV presenters. They can talk forever, but do they actually have anything to say? Well, what would happen... IF F1 WAS RULED BY... TV ...

You might remember them from such epic broadcasts, such as the Canadian GP -- yes, it's the Formula One TV presenters. They can talk forever, but do they actually have anything to say? Well, what would happen...

IF F1 WAS RULED BY... TV PRESENTERS

1. No bodywork situated between 50mm and 330mm forward of the rear wheel centre line, and which is more than 75mm from the car centre line, may be... No, no, NO!!! All rubbish!!! Rear wings must be made out of barn doors, allowing all cars to overtake at any point for maximum excitement.
2. There would be NO 'dull' races. Instead, dull races would actually be 'fascinating tactical battles', 'thrillers' and 'incredibly exciting strategic encounters, like chess... BUT AT 200 MPH!'. See, exciting.
3. If, in the unlikely event that a 'fascinating tactical battle' fails to provide enough talking points during live commentary, team principals will immediately engage in a 'war of words' with the ruling body, the promoter, each other, the hotel over the mini-bar bill. Anything to give TV presenters a chance to use the phrase: 'it's been an equally fascinating tactical battle off track too".
4. In future, TV presenters/crews will have a special 'I'm in TV, I can go anywhere I damn well please' pass, which will grant them access to team motorhomes, garages, engineering debriefs, drivers' areas of the motorhome and, if necessary, the driver's traditional pre-race 'little boys' room' break.
5. Drivers would be forbidden from giving monosyllabic answers to sparkling questions such as: "what happened?" and "you're starting from 22nd on the grid. What can you do from there?"
6. The use of the words 'oompah-loompah', 'Jaffa' or 'more orange than the Dutch World squad' in relation to any TV presenter's strange skin tone will result in instant confiscation of the offenders paddock pass
7. Driver and team personnel interviews would be the strict preserve of TV crews. Don't you know TV is the most important thing in the universe? What do you mean there are other media? Don't be ridiculous!
8. Additionally, drivers would be available to TV crews at all times. Excuses such as "I have a debrief", "I need to see my physio" or "I'm driving" will not be accepted. In fact, if drivers can speak to the pit wall on the in-car radio, there's no reason why they shouldn't be available for a quick interview during a race.
9. All championships would 'go down to the wire'. If, at any point, some fool like Michael Schumacher shows signs of wrapping up the title by Hungary then he would be immediately ejected from the championship. In fact, every championship would end like Brazil 2008.

Car 5 SEBASTIAN VETTEL
1st Practice P6, 2nd Practice P2

"Overall a good day, we did a lot of laps, we didn't have any problem with the car so we could follow our programme like it should be on a Friday. We need to see if we keep the F-duct in the car, we need to confirm that, but all in all I think the pace was promising today considering this shouldn't be our strongest track. We did a step forward with the whole car - it was a good day for us."

Car 6 MARK WEBBER
1st Practice P7, 2nd Practice P3

"We had a good Friday programme with no interruptions and evaluated the tyres and the F-duct which we will look into tonight - as we all know it's not without its challenges getting that thing working. The track changed a lot this afternoon, the conditions were moving around a bit. But a very productive day for us: the car ran faultlessly and was pretty comfortable so looking forward to tomorrow."

-source: red bull

Be part of something big

Write a comment
Show comments
About this article
Series Formula 1
Drivers Michael Schumacher